A fiercely candid, funny, and sometimes heartbreaking blend of memoir and self-help on vulnerability, identity, and reclaiming your life

What if you didn't need Bali to find yourself? For 14 years, Traci Saulsberry led communications at NBC, becoming one of the youngest Black executives at the company. She had everything a modern woman is told to want—the house, her son, the high-powered job.

But when her carefully constructed life collapsed, Saulsberry was confronted with a question she'd been avoiding for years: Who was she, really?

Here I was, caught on my heels, with no backup lover to pick up the slack. Naturally, because I am a product of an adolescence spent binging rom-coms filled with sweeping tales, I wanted to run away and leave it all behind. I romanticized that there must be a flight to the farthest island on the edge of the world where I could just start over again. My archnemesis, reality, quickly snapped me out of that daydream. I wasn't going anywhere. I felt trapped.

This Is How You Love Her is a vulnerable narrative guide to uncovering your identity in life's small moments, right where you are. With wit and insight, heart and cinematic prose, Saulsberry weaves together pages from her journal, conversational guides, poetry, and reflection prompts in this memoir-meets-guide that gives readers permission to get to know themselves at their own pace.

For anyone who's ever lost themselves in work, relationships, or the image they built to survive—this is your roadmap home.

And this is how you love her.

Perfect for fans of memoirs, self-help, and journaling, this book explores:

• Perfection: Unlearning the belief that you’re not allowed to get it wrong
• Body Autonomy: Reclaiming your body  and learning to be present in your own skin
• Boundaries: Setting limits with the people you love most, even when it means risking the relationship
• Control: Releasing the need to manage everyone's perception and trusting yourself to just be 

Traci Saulsberry is a senior communications executive, leadership coach, and writer. At twenty-seven, she became one of the youngest Black executives at NBC, where she spent fourteen years shaping narratives at the highest levels of entertainment. She later built and led the communications team at Peacock, managing a team of more than thirty people during the platform’s launch and growth.

She is currently a host and narrator for Calm, the world’s leading meditation and sleep app, where she guides original series including Workplace Wellbeing, Professional Growth, and Processing World Events, designed to help audiences navigate life with clarity and care.

As a leadership coach, keynote speaker, and learning facilitator, Saulsberry works with early-career professionals, executives, and business owners, with a focus on helping individuals find and own their voice—particularly while navigating spaces where they are underrepresented. She also serves as an adjunct professor at Syracuse University’s Newhouse School, where she teaches entertainment publicity.