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Dear Whoever Is Reading My Dumb Diary,

Stop it.

I know you're hoping to read my diary and find out what it is about me that makes me so awesome.

And you probably want to steal my beauty secrets, like how not trying to be beautiful all the time makes me beautifuller. Or maybe you're hoping to get a glimpse of my supersecret art secrets, like how I make glitter stick to things. (Okay, maybe that one is not that secret, but I do have other things about me that are way greater than they need to be.)

"Way Greater Than She Needs To Be." I'm getting older now, and I need to think about the future. So I officially authorize that saying to be engraved on the first twenty large statues people create of me. After that, they can choose other super-complimentary things.

Frequent use of the word "cute" is also authorized, although I really prefer "kewt." (It's kewter.)

Also, parents, if you're reading this, stop reading my diary now. I know I'm not supposed to point out other people's flaws, but I didn't actually point them out, I only wrote them out. And if you punish me for it, I'll know that you read my diary. Not only am I not giving you permission to do that, it will just prove how much less awesome you are than me.

Signed,
Jamie Kelly