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How to care for the dying for their healing, ours, and the world’s

• Explores how to carry our loved ones through death, how to honor their bodies and spirits, and how to awaken to the ever-present help of our ancestors

• Reveals the healing and closure that can be brought about through the process of washing and preparing a body for a home vigil or funeral

• Offers guidance on advance care planning, grieving, and forgiveness as well as green burial

Having become disconnected from the natural cycles of life, we have lost the fundamental knowing of what death looks like, and fear fills the void. How can we transform our fears surrounding death and be with the dying more fully and more consciously?

Through her work with the dying, Nancy MacMillan reveals the very real imaginal world where nature, myth, dreams, ancestors, and those yet to be born whisper from the far shore, a place beyond our last breath. She reminds us that caring for our dying consciously is a transformative act, radical even, in restoring meaning to our place and purpose in the universe. She explores how to carry our loved ones through death, how to honor their bodies and spirits, and how to awaken to the ever-present help of our ancestors. She shows how the practice of caring for the dead can help both those grieving and the newly dead, and she reveals how healing and closure can be brought about through the process of washing and preparing a body for a home vigil or funeral—a ritual she provided for her own mother.

Sharing personal stories, Nancy offers guidance on advance care planning, grieving, and forgiveness as well as green burial. Through her own close encounters with the specter of death, the author shows how to follow the ancient wisdom of "learning to die before you die" and find a seaworthy passage to the far shore.

Nancy MacMillan is a registered psychotherapist and retired certified spiritual care practitioner with master’s degrees in education and theology and experience working in palliative care, intensive care, geriatrics, and bereavement. She lives outside of Kingston, Ontario.

Foreword by Robert Sardello

Preface: Reimagining Death

1
Mum’s Breathing Has Changed
I do not see my mum suffering; I see her dying—The tension between prolonged living and prolonged dying

2
Scenes from Frontline Health Care
Listening as medicine—Become a safe container for your child—The morgue visit—The geriatric unit—What death looks like

3
Maybe Even Joyous
Dying with awareness—Finding the balance between pain and consciousness—Other ways to work with pain and fear—Talking to Mum about bringing her body home after death—Giving my mother space to die

4
The Long Decline and the Hard Conversation
My mum’s many moves—Decline into dementia—Become a nonanxious presence—Advance care planning for the elderly—The transition to long-term care—Siblings

5
It’s a Multigenerational Story
Gathering the stories of our elders—We are all matryoshka dolls

6
The Deepest Dive
My close encounters with death—Cancer as a force in the world—Fear—Medical treatment, complementary treatments— You are never alone—What do you want to be alive for?

7
A Different Kind of Medicine:
The Mythopoetic Story of Inanna
Playing chess with the devil—Inanna, our guide through the dark unknown—Descent, death, feeding the corpse, resurrection—To die before you die—Greek mysteries of Eleusis and psychotropic plant medicine

8
Becoming an Ancestor
Tracing back our roots—Who are your people?—A Celtic past—Awakeningm to our ancestors, descendants, and the unborn—Intergenerational trauma

9
Continuing Our Connection beyond the Last Breath
Dad’s story—The angel of death—Building a bridge to the dead

10
Grief, Communion, and a New Conversation
Speaking intimately in our dying days—The continuing bond—Complex grief—Building a big-enough story—A distilled essence—Animal death—World grief and a new conversation with Earth

11
The Spiritual Road to Ars Moriendi
Heart and soul—Searching for more than a trickle of spirit—A short story of Christianity and Gnosticism—We all pray to something—Buddhist instructions for dying—Ars moriendi: Learn to die and you shall live—Rudolf Steiner: The dead are always with us

12
The Dying Time
Back to Mum—When stars collide—Letting go of control—
Mum’s dying days—Behind our dreams

13
Look, the Sun Just Came Out
Keening as lament and grief as praise—Why am I still here?—
Mother Mary and the divine feminine—The sun just came out—
Excavating childhood and building a fuller story

14
A Ripe Completion
Shedding layers to die—The measure of building character—All is
forgiven—A reckoning conversation with Dad—Purpose in being old

15
A Good Death?
Allison’s story—No one way for a good death—Caring presence at a
distance—Taking our cue from elephants—Indigenous children and unmarked graves—Down into the womb to be born again

16
Building a Little Ship for Your Dead
Principles of green burial—Becoming earth—Closing Time death group—Day of the Dead—Hungry ghosts—Singing for the dying

17
Bringing Mum Home
Jittery nerves—Get the casket now—Letting slow prevail—Developing a relationship with the local funeral home—Caring for a loved one’s body at home—My death care team

18
Practicalities and Mysteries
Excarnating as a process—The life review—Keeping Mum’s body cool—Navigating sisterly differences—Vigiling and visitations—
Ragged moments—Should the grandchildren come all that way?

19
To Carry Our Dead
Ritual—Funeral service and celebration—The last goodbye

Postscript: There’s Always Grace

Acknowledgments

Notes

Bibliography

Resources

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The Call to the Far Shore

The Call to the Far Shore

8888501096

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Table of Contents

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