Exercises xv

The Importance of Interpersonal Skills 1

The Power of Interpersonal Skills 2

The Relationship Imperative 2

Why Improve Your Interpersonal Skills 6

Interpersonal Skills and Relationships 13

Difficulties in Forming Relationships 19

What’s in This Book 24

The Application of Social Science Research to Interpersonal Skills 26

Learning Interpersonal Skills 29

Accepting the Invitation 32

¿ Comprehension Test A 32

¿ Comprehension Test B 33

Summary 38

Answers 39

Appropriate Self-Disclosure: Getting to Know Each Other 40

Introduction 41

Being Open with and to Other People 47

Self-Disclosure and Self-Awareness 53

Self-Awareness Through Feedback from Others 59

Self-Disclosure and Self-Acceptance 63

Self-Disclosure and Self-Presentation 65

¿ Comprehension Test A 90

¿ Comprehension Test B 91

Summary 93

Answers 95

Developing and Maintaining Trust 96

Introduction 97

Developing and Maintaining Trust 98

Building Interpersonal Trust 100

Being Trusting and Trustworthy 101

Trust and Communication 102

Destroying Trust 103

Reestablishing Trust After It Has Been Broken 104

Trusting Appropriately 104

Trusting as a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy 106

Personal Proclivity to Trust 106

Trust in Friendships 106

¿ Comprehension Test 106

Chapter Review 123

Summary 125

Answers 125

Increasing Your Communication Skills 126

Introduction 127

What Is Communication? 127

Effective Communication versus Misunderstandings 131

¿ Comprehension Test A 134

Sending Messages Effectively 136

¿ Comprehension Test B 138

¿ Comprehension Test C 151

¿ Improving Your Receiving Skills 152

Theory on Listening and Responding 155

¿ Comprehension Test D 157

Theory on Selective Perception in Listening and Responding 159

¿ Comprehension Test E 160

¿ Comprehension Test F 161

Toward Improved Communication Skills 164

Communicating Online 164

Chapter Review 167

Summary 169

Answers 170

Expressing Your Feelings Verbally 171

The Power of Feeling 172

Saying What You Feel 172

What’s Going on Inside? 174

¿ Comprehension Test A 179

When Feelings Are Not Expressed 180

¿ Comprehension Test B 181

Expressing Your Feelings Verbally 182

¿ Comprehension Test C 184

Checking Your Perception of Another’s Feelings 191

Chapter Review 193

Summary 194

Answers 195

Expressing Your Feelings

Nonverbally 196

Introduction 197

Nonverbal Communication 198

Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication 198

The Importance of Congruence Between Verbal and Nonverbal Messages 201

Status and Power in Nonverbal Expressions 202

Chapter Review 215

Summary 216

Answers 216

Helpful Listening and Responding 217

Responding to Another Person’s Problems 218

Intentions Underlying the Responses 226

¿ Comprehension Test A 234

Helping People Solve Their Problems 235

Listening and Responding Alternatives 236

¿ Comprehension Test B 238

Phrasing an Accurate Understanding Response 238

Chapter Review 249

Summary 250

Answers 251

Resolving Interpersonal Conflict 252

Inevitability of Conflicts 253

Understanding Conflicts of Interest 253

Mastering the Conflict Strategies 258

¿ Comprehension Test 263

Negotiating to Solve the Problem 264

Try, Try Again 271

Refusal Skills: This Issue Is Not Negotiable 271

Conflicts Online 271

Chapter Review 284

Summary 286

Answers 286

Anger, Stress, and Managing Feelings 287

The Nature of Stress 288

Managing Stress Through Social Support Systems 289

The Nature and Value of Anger 290

¿ Comprehension Test 295

Rules for Managing Anger Constructively 295

Eliminating Unwanted Feelings from Your Life 309

Forgiveness 319

How to Deal with an Angry Person 321

Anger and Negotiations 324

Chapter Review 326

Summary 327

Answers 327

Barriers to Interpersonal Effectiveness 328

Introduction 329

Managing Fear and Anxiety 329

Managing Shyness 336

Mistakes and Self-Talk 342

Managing Failure 344

Reducing Stereotyping and Prejudice 344

Overcoming the Barriers: Being Optimistic 350

Review Test 351

Summary 352

Answers 352

Epilogue 353

Importance of Interpersonal Skills 354

Interpersonal Effectiveness, Self-Actualization, and Interpersonal

Skills 357

Looking Forward 362

Summary of Interpersonal Skills 364

Appendix 369

Glossary 373

References 380

Index 383

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