9781416584018

WHEN IT COMES TO DIVORCE, WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW CAN HURT YOU...If breaking up is hard to do, divorce is ten times worse. It can be terrifying to even think about getting a divorce, let alone figuring out how to pursue one. That's why divorce consultant Margery Rubin has created this unique guide to help women navigate the process and to empower them with vital information that their lawyers might not tell them. Offering practical advice for an impractical and emotional time, Rubin uses her expertise to answer 125 essential questions for staying afloat during your divorce, including: How do I pay for a lawyer if I have no income?(p. 143) If I leave the house voluntarily, can I move back in?(p. 102) How do I know if I need a parenting coordinator?(p. 171) I haven't worked since before I got married... can I get lifetime support?(p. 130) My husband has filed for bankruptcy. Does this affect his child support obligations?(p.174)With answers you won't get anywhere else,What Your Divorce Lawyer May Not Tell Youis an invaluable source of step-by-step advice on everything you'll need to survive your marriage's end...and get on with the rest of your life.

Margery Rubin is a sought-after divorce consultant and the founder of Divorce Source. She has been featured in The New York Times and on Good Morning America, CNN, and CNBC. She lives in New York City. Visit her at www.mydivorcesource.com. Sally Sampson is the author of fifteen books and has written for many magazines, including Self and Boston magazines. She lives in Massachusetts with her two children.

Acknowledgments	p. vii
What's A Divorce Coach?: What You Don't Know About Divorce CAN Hurt You	p. 1
Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Deciding If and When to End Your Marriage	p. 13
How Do I Hire A Lawyer?: Navigating the Most Important Relationship of Your Divorce	p. 43
What Happens in the Courtroom?: Understanding the Before, During, and After of a Divorce Trial	p. 81
What Do I Do About Money?: Learning How to Protect What's Yours and Get What You Deserve	p. 115
How Can I Make this Easier On My Kids?: Minimizing the Divorce's Impact on Your Children	p. 149
My Husband Looked Up What Online?: Divorcing in the Internet Age	p. 183
Conclusion: Life After Divorce	p. 193
Glossary of Common Legal Terms in a Divorce	p. 197
Index	p. 205
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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ONE

WHAT'S A DIVORCE COACH?

What You Don't Know About Divorce CAN Hurt You

Here's a statistic you may have heard before: More than 1 million divorces are granted in the United States every year. Sad, but not exactly earth-shattering news. But here's something that may surprise you -- nearly 70 percent of those divorces are initiated by a woman, which means that every year more than 700,000 women begin the divorce process.

While divorce is difficult on all parties involved, it can be particularly devastating for women -- financially, emotionally, and spiritually. And this is true whether she initiates the divorce or whether it's thrust upon her. Divorce can put a severe strain on a woman's finances (both on women who work outside the home and on full-time mothers) and makes it difficult to keep her work life on track while at the same time keeping the rest of her life in balance (particularly since women are often the primary caretakers for the children). In this book, you'll learn how to protect yourself and your family during this turbulent time, whether the decision to end your marriage was one you made or one that was made for you.

Of course, all divorces are difficult. The breakup of a arriage becomes a jumble of confusion, loss, and pain. Intimate partners are pitted against each other. Wrenching decisions must be made. The division of resources is often catastrophic for everyone involved.

Many women have a fantasy that when their marriage breaks up, their soon to be ex-husband (or as our friend Nicole Van Borkulo says, their "was-band") will act fairly, kindly, and reasonably. Or that once their ex is out of their house, he will be out of their lives forever. This fantasy usually crumbles early on in the divorce process. That was certainly the case when my twenty-two-year marriage reached its end.

From Wife to Warrior

When my own marriage ended, I was utterly unprepared, a fact that's all the more surprising considering whom I was married to: a man who was one of the top divorce lawyers in New York City. For years, I'd watched from the sidelines as my successful, high-powered husband negotiated his clients' lucrative divorce settlements (or protected their financial assets, depending on whom he was representing at the time!). And although I heard stories from him about the ways divorce could turn former lovers into bitter enemies, I never envisioned it could happen to us.

But as our own marriage was swiftly and suddenly coming to a close, I found myself in a tough position: in an adversarial relationship with someone who had spent a professional lifetime in the trenches of matrimonial law. He knew all the ins and outs, all the tips and secrets of negotiating an advantageous divorce settlement, and I found him turning that same ruthless skill upon me. My husband and I were now at war, and I was on the defensive. I knew I had to take steps immediately to protect myself and get what I deserved.

In order to survive, I had to be prepared and informed: Preparation is protection. And one of the very first steps I took to prepare for my divorce was finding a good lawyer to represent me. I knew from the years spent at my husband's side that having a first-rate lawyer was going to be my shot at getting what I wanted, needed, and well deserved. My future standard of living, the financial well-being of my children, the amount of security I would have in the future would all be determined by my smarts in cooperation with my lawyer.

But finding a lawyer was not going to be easy, since my husband's smart and aggressive reputation in the field was well-known. He was one of New York's "killer lawyers," and I think many of his colleagues were actually scared to go up against him on such a personal case. One lawyer I consulted with actually called my husband to tell him I was considering hiring him, which I later learned was totally unethical. He broke the rule of confidentiality that governs the legal system, but I was too nervous and anxious to call him on it. I realized then that I was entering a system that had its own version of the established old-boy network. I was going to have to become an active, not passive, part of this process.