About the Authors xi

1 Introduction to Emotional Intelligence 1

Emotional Intelligence Overview 2

A Word About EI Scales and Skills 4

Th e Student EQ Edge: Student Workbook: An Overview 4

Why Refl ection? 5

2 Case Studies of Emotionally Intelligent

(and Not Emotionally Intelligent!) Behavior 7

Case Study #1: Why Can’t I Make an A? 7

Case Study #2: 15 Years to Graduate 8

Case Study #3: But I’m Good! 10

Case Study #4: Starting College 11

Case Study #5: Shared Responsibilities 12

Case Study #6: A Costly Decision 13

Case Study #7: First Job Jitters 14

Case Study #8: No Way 15

Case Study #9: Twins? 17

3 Emotional Self-Awareness 19

Worksheet 3.1: Feelings Journal 21

Worksheet 3.2: Hot Buttons 22

Worksheet 3.3: ABCDE Exercise—Th e Impact of Th oughts on

Emotions and Behaviors 24

Worksheet 3.4: Hot Buttons on Reality TV 26

Worksheet 3.5: Positive and Negative Aff ect 27

Worksheet 3.6: Self-Development Plan for Emotional Self-Awareness 28

4 Self-Regard 29

Worksheet 4.1: Who Am I? 31

Worksheet 4.2: Locus of Control Scale (Rotter, 1966) 32

Worksheet 4.3: Positive and Negative Self-Talk 35

Worksheet 4.4: 3600 Feedback 36

Worksheet 4.5: Modern Family 37

Worksheet 4.6: Self-Development Plan for Self-Regard 38

5 Self-Actualization 39

Worksheet 5.1: Who Am I? 41

Worksheet 5.2: Emotions Meter 42

Worksheet 5.3: Quotes, Sayings, and Songs—A Window into You! 43

Worksheet 5.4: Defi ning Your Personal Mission Statement 44

Worksheet 5.5: Th e Amazing Race 45

Worksheet 5.6: Self-Development Plan for Self-Actualization 46

6 Emotional Expression 47

Worksheet 6.1: Observing Emotions 50

Worksheet 6.2: Observing Your Emotions 51

Worksheet 6.3: Follow the Leader 53

Worksheet 6.4: “I” Messages 57

Worksheet 6.5: TV Emotions 60

Worksheet 6.6: Self-Development Plan for Emotional Expression 62

7 Independence 63

Worksheet 7.1: Private Eye 66

Worksheet 7.2: By Yourself 69

Worksheet 7.3: Please Do Th is for Me! 70

Worksheet 7.4: Reality TV—Too Needy, Too Alone, or Just Right? 71

Worksheet 7.5: On My Own 72

Worksheet 7.6: Self-Development Plan for Independence 74

8 Assertiveness 75

Worksheet 8.1: Assertive, Aggressive, or Passive? 78

Worksheet 8.2: It Seems So Easy When Others Do It 80

Worksheet 8.3: Giving Feedback 81

Worksheet 8.4: Controversial Issues 83

Worksheet 8.5: Assertiveness Quiz 84

Worksheet 8.6: Self-Development Plan for Assertiveness 86

9 Interpersonal Relationship 87

Worksheet 9.1: My Favorite Person 90

Worksheet 9.2: Sharing Secrets 92

Worksheet 9.3: Scaling the Intimacy Wall 93

Worksheet 9.4: Beginning a Relationship 94

Worksheet 9.5: Getting Closer 95

Worksheet 9.6: Self-Development Plan for Interpersonal Relationship 96

10 Empathy 97

Worksheet 10.1: What Is Empathy? 99

Worksheet 10.2: Th e Art of Questions 100

Worksheet 10.3: Refl ective Listening 102

Worksheet 10.4: Empathy Assessment 103

Worksheet 10.5: Listening Even When It’s Hard to Do! 106

Worksheet 10.6: Self-Development Plan for Empathy 108

11 Social Responsibility 109

Worksheet 11.1: Doing What’s Right 112

Worksheet 11.2: Cooperation 114

Worksheet 11.3: A Company’s Social Responsibility Policy 115

Worksheet 11.4: My Social Responsibility Policy 116

Worksheet 11.5: Take Action! 117

Worksheet 11.6: Self-Development Plan for Social Responsibility 118

12 Reality Testing 119

Worksheet 12.1: My Big Decision 122

Worksheet 12.2: Th e Mirrors Around You 124

Worksheet 12.3: Failed Reality Testing 126

Worksheet 12.4: Decision-Making Interviews 127

Worksheet 12.5: Reality-Testing Scenarios 128

Worksheet 12.6: Self-Development Plan for Reality Testing 130

13 Problem Solving 131

Worksheet 13.1: What Is My Emotion? 134

Worksheet 13.2: Failed Decisions Revisited 136

Worksheet 13.3: Solving Your Problems 137

Worksheet 13.4: But Can I Really Change My Emotion? 139

Worksheet 13.5: One Fine Day 140

Worksheet 13.6: Self-Development Plan for Problem Solving 141

14 Impulse Control 143

Worksheet 14.1: Marshmallow Cravings 146

Worksheet 14.2: But I Want . . . 147

Worksheet 14.3: Survivor 148

Worksheet 14.4: No Regrets? 149

Worksheet 14.5: Strategies for Success 150

Worksheet 14.6: Self-Development Plan for Impulse Control 151

15 Flexibility 153

Worksheet 15.1: Refl ections About Change 156

Worksheet 15.2: Flexibility Survey 157

Worksheet 15.3: Th e Price of Infl exibility 159

Worksheet 15.4: Stretching Yourself 161

Worksheet 15.5: Flexibility Forecasting 162

Worksheet 15.6: Self-Development Plan for Flexibility 164

16 Stress Tolerance 165

Worksheet 16.1: Identifying Your Stressors 168

Worksheet 16.2: Understanding Why You Get Stressed 169

Worksheet 16.3: Irrational Th inking and Stress 170

Worksheet 16.4: Resources for Coping 172

Worksheet 16.5: Stress Busters 173

Worksheet 16.6: Self-Development Plan for Stress Tolerance 174

17 Optimism 175

Worksheet 17.1: Optimism Begins with Framing 179

Worksheet 17.2: De-motivators—Watch Your Self-Talk 180

Worksheet 17.3: Assessing Your Optimism 182

Worksheet 17.4: Pep Talks and Persistence 184

Worksheet 17.5: Perseverance Defi ned 186

Worksheet 17.6: Self-Development Plan for Optimism 187

18 Happiness 189

Worksheet 18.1: Taking Stock of Your Happiness Level 192

Worksheet 18.2: Laugh a Little, Laugh a Lot 193

Worksheet 18.3: Does Money Buy Happiness? 194

Worksheet 18.4: Well-Being Indicators 195

Worksheet 18.5: Th e Pursuit of Happyness 197

Worksheet 18.6: One Commitment—Self-Development Plan for Happiness 198

References 199

Appendix A KISS Strategies for Improving Emotional Intelligence 201

Appendix B Movie Selections for Learning About Emotional Intelligence 213

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