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Adversity often comes without warning. Bad news is shocking. Betrayal is heartbreaking. It’s natural for a church leader to feel defensive and want to fight back. But fear and anger make for poor strategies when it comes to resolving conflict and thriving afterward.

Is it possible to rise above the storm and even thrive despite it? Ordained minister and leadership consultant Alfred Ells says yes, it is. Through stories of leaders who have suffered the traumas of betrayal, conflict, and failure, he provides insights, wisdom, and instruction on how to leverage adversity to become a resilient leader skilled at repairing any breach.

Alfred Ells is a bestselling author, an ordained minister, and the founder/director of Leaders That Last Ministries™. As a master coach, counselor, and leadership consultant, he has helped many pastors, executives, and denominational leaders find and fulfill their destiny in Christ. He has also founded or helped establish many Christ-centered treatment programs for individuals, families, and youth including Samaritan Counseling Services. Al resides in Mesa, Arizona, with his wife Susan.

Foreword 19
Acknowledgments 21

I. ARE YOU PREPARED FOR CONFLICT AND CRISIS?
1. You Can Survive Conflict and Crisis (and Be Better for It) 25
A Troubled Night
The First Step in Responding to a Crisis
The Shadow Side of Your Gifts

2. Leaders Are like Trees 31
Mystery of the Wind
Pain Often Comes before Gain
These Leaders Became Better
Resilience Is the Ticket to Thriving
The Path to Sustaining Excellence

3. When Conflict and Betrayal Come 39
Managing Change and Conflict
The God Moment
Five Conflict Styles
Removing the Root of Anger
Can Relationships Be Restored?
Leaders in Crisis

4. What You Don’t Know about Storms May Sabotage You 51
All Leaders Encounter Storms
Some Storms May Be Enemy Sieges
What to Do When You Have a Human Enemy
Spiritual Warfare Is Usually Involved
You Need to Develop Grit
You’re Not Being Punished
Turning Crisis to Blessing

5. The Hidden Causes behind Leadership Attacks 63
What Is Mobbing?
Karpman’s Drama Triangle
The Dangers of BIRGing

II. HOW TO HANDLE AND PREVENT CONFLICT
6. Build a Healthy Culture 81
Missional Team Culture
Family Culture
Inward-Focus versus Outward-Focus Culture
Which Culture Do You Have?

7. Build a Healthy Relationship with Your Board 87
Build a Foundation of Trust
Don’t Be Defensive
When Staff Members Complain to the Board
Create Guidelines for Conflict Resolution
Board Guidelines for Supporting the Senior Leader
When It Is Necessary to Fire Someone
The Storm That Never Brews

8. Protect Your Marriage and Family from the Hazards of
Ministry 101
The Key to a Fulfilling Relationship
When You’re Partners in Marriage and Ministry
Things Change
The Impact of Children
Connection Is the Key to Influencing Change
Support from a Healthy Board Relationship
Your Schedule Makes a Difference

9. Overcome Vulnerability with Self-Leadership 113
Leading a Church Is Difficult
The VUCA Factor
The First Step in Self-Leadership
How to Deal with Unrealistic Expectations
You’re Not a Failure
Conquering Fears of Failure and Inadequacy

10. Dealing with Betrayal and Trusting Again 123
When Betrayal Happens
Dealing with Betrayal
Loyalty to a Person or a Mission?
Trusting God
Resilience Begins with Trusting God
What Does It Mean to Trust?
Seven Important Steps to Trusting Again
The Right Perspective Makes All the Difference
Be Intentional in Developing Trust and Resilience

11. Ten Proven Steps to Resolving Conflict 137
Adopting an Effective Model for Conflict Resolution
Steps to Resolving Conflict

12. Sexual Failure and Restoration 145
What Doesn’t Work
What to Do When Failure Happens
Necessary Milestones for Healing and Restoration
Creating a New Future

III. THE FIVE DISCIPLINES THAT BUILD RESILIENCE
13. Discipline One: Manage Your Emotions and Invite God In 167
The Resilience-Building Cycle
Manage Your Emotions
Dealing with Anger
Conquering Fear and Anxiety
Winning over Shame and Self-Pity

14. Discipline Two: You Need an ISSN 189
Strong Relationships Have Health Benefits
Leaders Don’t Have to Be Lonely
An Answer to Blind Spots
Seek Out Intelligent Friends
Safe Friends Are a Must
Friends Speak the Truth in Love
Avoid Critical People
Why Allies May Not Be What You Really Need
The Spouse Also Needs Support
Spouses Want Someone to Talk To
Covenant Groups Are an Answer
Our Shared Belief

15. Discipline Three: Learn from the Storm 203
What We Can Learn
Learning from Failure and Crisis
Learning Grit
It’s Important to Reframe
Humility: What It Takes to Learn

16. Discipline Four: Let Go 227
What and Why to Let Go
Unresolved Pain
The Value of Tears
Sharing Our Tears with God
Crying Out to God
How to Cry Out to God
After You Cry Out, Let Go
How to Surrender Control and Let Go
If Crying Out to God Doesn’t Work for You
Do You Need to Cry Out to God?

17. Discipline Five: Dare to Hope, Dream, and Risk Again 249
Finding Hope in the Middle of the Storm
When I Needed Hope the Most
Hope Is Essential to Survive a Storm
Discovering a Better Destiny
When I Was an Angel!
The Need to Dream
Time to Risk Again
What Good Has Your Pain Produced?

Appendix
Recommended Resources 261
Notes 263
About the Author 271
Also by Alfred Ells 272

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The Resilient Leader How Adversity Can Change You and Your Ministry for the Better

The Resilient Leader How Adversity Can Change You and Your Ministry for the Better

0830781072

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