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In October of 2010 the authors became exclusive providers of grief and grief-recovery related content on a memorial site called Tributes.com, a site that receives approximately 1.5 million hits per month, and to which readers submit very personal and unique grief-related questions. Collected in this book are not only a bounty of personal and often moving questions, but also the authors' equally compelling responses and tips for grief recovery. The book does not just deal with grief from loss of a loved one, but also the grieving that occurs following a divorce, a sudden downturn in health, the loss of a job, and even the loss of faith.
Russell Friedman and John W. James are the authors of the bestselling Grief Recovery Handbook and When Children Grieve. Together they run the Grief Recovery Institute, www.griefrecoverymethod.com. Both authors live in Los Angeles.
Table of Contents
Beginning at the Beginning
Six Myths That Limit Us
MYTH: Grieve Alone: Q&A
My Husband Never Comes Out of the Bedroom
I Wonder Why I Have to Be All By Myself
Her Emotional Plate Is Way Beyond Pull
It's Not Advisable for Family Members to Do Grief Work Together
"Let Go" of What? and "Move On" to Where?
I'm Scared, but Will Do It Anyway
MYTH: It Just Takes Time: Q&A
The Pain Often Gets Worse within Time
Do We Ever Really Recover?
They Want Us Looking Good and Being Productive 3-5 Days Later!
Answering Questions Doesn't Resolve Grief
How Long until I'm Happy Again?
If You Move On, Are You Letting Go of Them?
I Have Morphed into Another Person; How Can I Recover?
When Is It Too Soon to Start Dating?
When Your Heart Is Broken Your Head Doesn't Work Right
MYTH: Be Strong for Others: Q&A
The Real Key Is for You to Go First
A Tangled Web of Losses!
It's Amazing How Disconnected We Can Feel
Saying "I Know How You Feel" Robs Dignity from a Griever
Grieving People Need to Talk about What Happened
Intervention Doesn't Work with The Grief Recovery Method®
I'm Getting Tired of Propping Everyone Else Up
All Relationships Are Unique
The Word "Imagine" Creates Safety
MYTH: Keep Busy and Short-Term Energy-Relieving Behaviors: Q&A
STERBs-What Are They?
Grief Is Exhausting!
How Do I Deal with the Anger I Feel?
Memorial Jewelry Doesn't Heal Your Heart
Keeping Busy Just Exhausts Us
You Can't Bypass Feelings, You Have to Go through Them
Part II The Ongoing Controversy: The Alleged Stages of Grief vs. Typical, Normal, and Natural Responses to Loss
Are There Actual Stages of Grief?
No Stages of Grief: Q&A
Statement of Death Is NOT Denial
Adapting to the Painful Reality of Death
Has the Reality of My Loss Set in Yet?
Your Broken Heart Talking!
He Won't See Me Graduate, Get Married, or Have Kids
I Desperately Need to Know How to Live Again
On Crying: Q&A
I Still Cry Daily. Is that Normal?
Force Myself to Cry to Make People Stop Worrying about Me?
Death of a Spouse Can Be Like Losing a Piece of Your Body
Feelings Don't Happen "Just Out of the Blue"
Very Attached to Their Possessions
Robbed of Goodbye: Q&A
Sudden Death Robs Us of a Last Goodbye
No Longer Together, but Still Heartbroken
Is There Such a Thing as Complicated Grief?
When I Need Him One More Time, He's No Longer Here
Relationships Are Made Up of Time and Intensity!
Missing the Funeral
Cremains as a Permanent Relocatable Grief Recovery Monument
Other Typical, Normal, and Natural Responses to Loss: Q&A
Quieting the Inner Dialogue That Never Sleeps
Life Itself Just Seems Very Tasteless-Nothing Seems to Matter
Inability to Concentrate Is an Almost Universal Reaction
Still Hurt and Angry
Will I Ever Feel Normal Again?
The Victims' Families Often Feel as if They Are on Trial
The Emotional Pink Elephant in the Living Room
Massive Reminders of Someone Who Is No Longer Alive
My Mom's Picture
Why Do Families Tear Apart?
PART III A Host of Questions on Unique Situations
Holidays, Anniversaries, and Reminders: Q&A
Today Is Way Too Long to Stay Stuck in One Feeling
Multiple Deaths Make Us Feel Like We're Drowning
The Holidays-A Perfect Time to Demonstrate the Truth to Your Children
It Is the Fact That He Died That Is Most Important, Not the Method or the Date
Resetting the Dysfunctional Default Settings to Create a Fuller Life
Things That Don't Get to Happen Because They're No Longer Here
Many Grieving People Struggle with Enjoying Themselves
Will I Ever Be Able to Stop Being Numb and Let Go?
Stuck on a Painful Image: Q&A
Staying Stuck on a Painful Image Keeps Us Stuck in Grief Tragic Deaths Compound Our Pain
Trying "Not" to Think about It Doesn't Work
Completion, Not Closure-An Important Distinction
Grief Is Not PTSD
We Know What They Would Have Said
As She Was Dying, My Mother Shut Me Out
I Know There's Nothing I Could've Done to Stop Him
Guilt and Blame: Q&A
The "Story-Line" Sometimes Trumps the "Heart-Line"
But for One Second Earlier or Later, Our Lives Are Changed Forever
How Do I Accept the Things I Did?
The Good, The Bad, and Sometimes, The Ugly
Sometimes We Have to Break Our Promises
Walking Through Life Without Your Mate
Left with Unfinished Emotional Business
Hamster on a Wheel
The Nursing Home Facility Mistreated My Mom
Death, Divorce, and Difficult Relationships: Q&A
On Being "Ruled from the Grave"
When the Last Interaction Was Negative
Confused and Overwhelmed by the Death of a Former Spouse
Discovery Does Not Equal Recovery
Families and Legal Mayhem
The "Warm and Fuzzies" That Never Happened
The Death of the Person Who Harmed You
Some Family Members Disassociate Themselves from Others After a Death
Losses of Safety and Trust-The Painful By-products of Spousal Abuse
Alcohol Can Leave a Trail of Destruction in Its Wake!
Rather Than Reconcile, Become as Emotionally Complete as Possible
Putting Together a Puzzle with Very Few Pieces
A Recurring Dream … After 58 Years
Missing People We Never Really Knew
My Daughter Wants to Take the Plane to Heaven to See Her Grandpa
"Monkey See, Monkey Do"
An Eleven-Year-Old's Upset Reactions to Questions about Death
Helping Children in Foster Care Deal with Multiple Losses
Explaining Death to Young Children and to a Child with Special Needs
Whether or Not to Take Children to Funerals or Memorials
Are Bedwetting and Grief Related?
Three Little Girls Ask When Daddy Will Be Home
Helping a Four-Year-Old Know Who His Mother Really Was
Going to Church Reminds a Twelve-Year-Old of His Dad's Death
Time Doesn't Heal-Actions Do
On Crying-Part One
On Crying-Part Two
Normal and Natural Reactions to Death
Stuck on a Painful Image
About the Authors
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