Mom's House, Dad's House

ISBN 13:
9780684830780
ISBN 10:
0684830787
Edition: 2nd
Format: Paperback
Copyright: 11/18/1997
Publisher: Touchstone

Note: Not guaranteed to come with supplemental materials (access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.)

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Summary

The groundbreaking classic, now revised, updated and expanded, covers the legal, financial and emotional realities of creating two happy and stable homes for children in the often difficult and confusing aftermath of a divorce.

Author's Note

Part 1 TWO HOMES WITH NO FIGHTING

(56)

1. Building a New Family Life: The Destination

(13)

Building a New Family Life

(2)

Two Homes Can Work for You

(4)

Managing the Goal of a Decent Divorce or Separation

(1)

A New Family Bill of Rights

(1)

When Children Do Best

(1)

The New Pioneers

(1)

How to Use This Book

(2)

2. Believe in Your Family: Dispelling Destructive Myths

(11)

Twelve Destructive Myths About Divorce

(7)

Taking Control of the Myths

(1)

Believe in Your Family

(3)

3. From One Home to Two Homes: The Map

(11)

The Map: Stages One to Seven

(1)

From One Home to Two Homes

(6)

The Crisis Periods for Parents and Children: Stages Four and Five

(1)

Unmarried Parenting

(1)

Remarriage and a New Family History

(1)

You and the Other Parent: A New Type of Relationship

(1)

Guidelines for Measuring Your Progress

(1)

4. Watch Your Language: How Words Help or Hurt

(8)

Stinkweed Words, Rose Words

(2)

What Children Hear

(1)

A New Vocabulary

(2)

Changing Old Habits

(1)

Advantages of a New Vocabulary

(2)

5. Your "Human Income": Increasing Your Resources for Coping with Stress

(13)

Changes When a Relationship Ends

(1)

The Effects of Stress

(1)

Your Resources for Coping with Stress

(1)

Self-Test: What Are Your Resources?

(2)

Ten Basic Rules for Making a Crisis Work for You

(3)

How Much Change and Stress Can and Should You Afford?

(5)

Part 2 MAKING TOUGH TIMES WORK FOR YOU

(98)

6. The Emotions of Ending a Relationship: The Wounding and Healing Process

(17)

The Wounding and Healing Process

(1)

Whose Idea Was This? Who Was Surprised?

(3)

The Phases of Ending a Relationship: The First and Second Waves

(1)

Treatments for Healing the Wound

(1)

The First Wave of Emotions in Detail

(5)

Addiction to Strong Emotions

(5)

7. The Retreat from Intimacy: How to Relate to the Other Parent

(18)

Negative Intimacy

(1)

That Old Family Feeling

(1)

From Intimacy to Working Relationship

(2)

The Three Basic Levels of Relationships

(3)

The Parents' "Business Relationship"

(2)

Doing Business When You'd Rather Do Battle

(2)

Self-Test: Are You Moving Away from Intimacy?

(2)

Guidelines for Your Move Away from Intimacy

(5)

8. The New Businesslike Relationship: Standards of Conduct for Parents

(19)

Standards of Conduct for a Working Relationship

(2)

Whether or Not to Interfere

(1)

Communications

(6)

Basic "Parent-Business" Principles

104

(3)

When the Going Gets Really Tough

107

(1)

An Example of a Good Working Relationship

108

(2)

How to Prepare for a "Parent-Business" Discussion

110

(3)

9. Mom's House, Dad's House: How to Make Them Homes

113

(20)

Two-Home Rewards

114

(1)

Your Hopes and Dreams as Parents

114

(1)

Parenting Patterns

115

(3)

Your Home

118

(4)

Child Care

122

(3)

Keeping in Touch with Your Children

125

(2)

Anchors for Teenagers

127

(1)

The Other Adults in Your Children's Lives

128

(4)

Back to a New Normal

132

(1)

10. Your Children: Giving Them Security and Continuity

133

(24)

Choices and Changes for Your Child

135

(5)

Keeping Children out of the Middle

140

(4)

Calming Your Children's Fears and Rebuilding Trust

144

(6)

How to Know When Your Child Needs Help

150

(4)

Trust Yourself, Trust Your Instincts

154

(3)

Part 3 THE LEGAL BUSINESS IS YOUR BUSINESS

157

(98)

11. The Legal Business: The Big Picture, Custody, and Making Major Decisions

157

(26)

The Big Picture

158

(4)

Attorneys

162

(2)

Custody, No Custody, Shared Custody

164

(1)

Custody: Some Common Legal Terms

165

(3)

Parents' Time with Their Children

168

(3)

The Children's Calendar

171

(1)

What Is Best for Your Child?

172

(1)

Ways to Share Time

172

(7)

Where Will You and Your Children Live?

179

(1)

Making Major Decisions for Your Child

180

(1)

Your Turn. What Do You Want?

181

(2)

12. Parenting Plans and Agreements: The Basic Elements

183

(13)

Anatomy of a Parenting Plan

184

(1)

What Goes into a Basic Parenting Plan

184

(1)

A Parenting Plan in Detail

185

(1)

Sample Standards of Conduct

186

(5)

Special Provisions

191

(3)

Private Contracts

194

(2)

13. How to Negotiate Your Own Agreements: A Step-by-Step Guide

196

(23)

Short-Term Private Agreements

198

(1)

Ten Tips on How to Negotiate

198

(6)

Major Steps for a Short-Term Agreement

204

(1)

Negotiating a Short-Term Agreement

205

(5)

Legal Agreements and Parenting Plans

210

(1)

The Long-Term Parenting Plan

210

(5)

Guidelines for Your Negotiations

215

(3)

Some Final Considerations

218

(1)

14. A Long-Term Parenting Plan: Working Out an Agreement on Your Own

219

(14)

The Meetings

221

(4)

The Result: A Parenting Plan

225

(4)

Wording Your Agreement

229

(2)

Your New United Front

231

(2)

15. Family Mediation: Getting Help to Stay Out of Court

233

(22)

What Is Family Mediation?

234

(1)

Frequently Asked Questions

235

(6)

Your Role in the Mediation Process Itself

241

(1)

Preparing for Negotiations

241

(1)

Example of a Mediation: Using Mediation for Both Legal and Private Agreements

242

(13)

Part 4 YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FUTURE

255

(74)

16. Your Family: Building Family Strength

255

(14)

Your Family

255

(3)

Garden-Variety Complaints

258

(7)

Holidays

265

(4)

17. Your Family Network: Opening Your Family to Others

269

(11)

Common Barriers to Extending Families

270

(4)

How to Begin an Extended Family and Acquaintance Network

274

(3)

When There Is No Other Parent

277

(3)

18. Long-Distance Parenting: How to Feel Close When You Are Far Apart

280

(18)

To Move or Not to Move Away

280

(10)

How to Feel Close When You Are Far Apart

290

(4)

Partings and Reunions

294

(4)

19. When an Absent Parent Returns: Things to Consider

298

(10)

How Children Feel When They Lose a Parent

299

(6)

The Price of Reentry--For Both Parents

305

(1)

When Reinvolvement Does Not Work: Two Homes with Friends and Relatives

306

(2)

20. Moving On: Bottlenecks and Breakthroughs

308

(21)

The Second Wave: Flashbacks

308

(4)

Remarriage: Your Own or the Other Parent's

312

(6)

Another Ending

318

(1)

A Change in School-Year Residence

319

(3)

Your Place in the Community

322

(1)

Graduations, Weddings, Family Fiestas

323

(1)

And Thanks for the Memory

324

(5)

Part 5 REFERENCES AND RESOURCES

329

(40)

For Professionals

329

(2)

Chapter Notes

331

(12)

Mom's House, Dad's House

9780684830780

0684830787

Summary

Table of Contents

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