LOUIS J. BEVILACQUA, PSYD, is a Clinical Psychologist and Vice President of Life Counseling Services (LCS), which has over twenty-five office locations throughout Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Florida. Dr. Bevilacqua is the Internship Training Director at LCS, which is an Association of Psychology Postdoctoral and Internship Centers (APPIC) approved training program.

FRANK M. DATTILIO, PHD, ABPP, maintains a dual faculty appointment in the Department of Psychiatry at??Harvard Medical School??and the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. He is the recipient of numerous awards, including the Distinguished Psychologist Award from the American Psychological Association's Division 29. He has written more than 200 professional publications and fourteen books in the areas of marital and family discord, anxiety disorders, and forensic and clinical psychology.

Acknowledgments xvii

Introduction xix

SECTION I—Activity/Family Imbalance 1

Exercise I.A When Can We Be Together? 2

SECTION II—Addictions 3

Exercise II.A How Much Does It Cost? 4

Exercise II.B Staying Clean 8

Exercise II.C What Else Can I Do? 11

Exercise II.D Keeping Busy 13

SECTION III—Adoption 15

Exercise III.A This Is How I Feel 16

Exercise III.B My Safe Place 19

SECTION IV—Anger Management 20

Exercise IV.A Is It Passive, Aggressive, or Assertive? 21

Exercise IV.B Why Am I So Angry? 26

Exercise IV.C What Happens When I Become Angry? 28

Exercise IV.D I Don’t Have Any Bruises But I Still Hurt 31

Exercise IV.E Go Blow Out Some Candles 36

SECTION V—Anxiety 37

Exercise V.A It’s Us Against the Anxiety 38

Exercise V.B My/Our Daughter Is Afraid to Go to School 40

Exercise V.C When I Feel Anxious It Is Like . . . 42

Exercise V.D My Mother’s Anxiety Makes Me Feel . . . 45

SECTION VI—Behavioral Problems With Children and Adolescents 47

Exercise VI.A My Child Just Won’t Listen 48

Exercise VI.B Acting as If 52

Exercise VI.C We Have to Make Some Type of Agreement 55

Exercise VI.D Charting Our Course 58

SECTION VII—Bipolar 60

Exercise VII.A My Mom Just Won’t Stay on Her Medication 61

SECTION VIII—Blaming 65

Exercise VIII.A What Do I Say? What Can I Say? 66

Exercise VIII.B Don’t Look at Me, Ask Him 69

Exercise VIII.C The Blaming Jar 71

Exercise VIII.D What’s My Job? 73

SECTION IX—Blended Families 75

Exercise IX.A I Don’t Like It When You . . . 76

Exercise IX.B I Have Too Many Parents 80

Exercise IX.C We Need to Agree 85

SECTION X—Communication Problems 88

Exercise X.A How Can I Talk So He’ll Listen? 89

Exercise X.B Everything Is Always Negative in Our House 92

SECTION XI—Death/Loss Issues 93

Exercise XI.A Remember When . . . 94

Exercise XI.B Until We Meet Again, Love 97

Exercise XI.C The Questions, Feelings, Comments/Concerns Game 102

SECTION XII—Dependency 103

Exercise XII.A Dependency Go Away 104

SECTION XIII—Depression 106

Exercise XIII.A Do I Have To Be Depressed? 107

Exercise XIII.B My Positive Script 110

Exercise XIII.C Someone in My Family Is Depressed 113

Exercise XIII.D What Am I Thinking When I Am Feeling Depressed? 115

Exercise XIII.E What Do Others Value about Me? 117

Exercise XIII.F My/Our Daughter is Depressed 119

SECTION XIV—Disengagement/Loss of Family Cohesion 121

Exercise XIV.A Circles of Perception 122

SECTION XV—Eating Disorders 124

Exercise XV.A I Need to Get Control 125

Exercise XV.B What Am I Thinking? 128

Exercise XV.C Why Is She Doing This? 131

SECTION XVI—Estranged Family Members 133

Exercise XVI.A We’re No Longer Speaking to One Another 134

Exercise XVI.B I Miss You 136

SECTION XVII—Family Business Conflicts 139

Exercise XVII.A A Changing of the Guard 140

Exercise XVII.B Who Is Doing What? 142

SECTION XVIII—Family-of-Origin Interference 143

Exercise XVIII.A Thanks, But No Thanks 144

Exercise XVIII.B How Can I Tell Her to Mind Her Own Business? 146

SECTION XIX—Foster Care 147

Exercise XIX.A I Want to Go Home 148

SECTION XX—Geographic Relocation 150

Exercise XX.A We’re Moving 151

Exercise XX.B Should We or Should We Not? 153

SECTION XXI—Inheritance Disputes 155

Exercise XXI.A He Always Did Like You Best 156

SECTION XXII—Interracial Family Problems 157

Exercise XXII.A They’re Calling Me a Half-Breed 158

SECTION XXIII—Intolerance/Defensiveness 160

Exercise XXIII.A Before and After 161

Exercise XXIII.B Why Can’t You Understand My Side for Once? Part I 164

Exercise XXIII.C Why Can’t You Understand My Side for Once? Part II 166

SECTION XXIV—Jealousy/Insecurity 167

Exercise XXIV.A I Don’t Have to Be Jealous or Insecure Anymore 168

Exercise XXIV.B I Am Not Jealous 171

SECTION XXV—Life-Threatening/Chronic Illness 174

Exercise XXV.A Johnny Has Leukemia 175

SECTION XXVI—Multiple-Birth Dilemmas 176

Exercise XXVI.A With Seven You Get an Eggroll 177

Exercise XXVI.B How Are We Going to Do This? 179

SECTION XXVII—Pervasive Developmental Disorders 180

Exercise XXVII.A Knowing What to Expect 181

SECTION XXVIII—Physical Disabilities 182

Exercise XXVIII.A Why Is Dad in Bed All Day? 183

SECTION XXIX—Physical/Verbal/Psychological Abuse 184

Exercise XXIX.A What Is Okay and What Is Not Okay? 185

SECTION XXX—Religious/Spiritual Conflicts 187

Exercise XXX.A I Don’t Know What to Believe in Anymore 188

SECTION XXXI—Schizophrenia 190

Exercise XXXI.A My Brother Hears Voices 191

SECTION XXXII—School Problems 193

Exercise XXXII.A My Teenager Is Truant 194

SECTION XXXIII—Separation/Divorce 197

Exercise XXXIII.A My Parents Are Getting a Divorce 198

SECTION XXXIV—Sexual Abuse 200

Exercise XXXIV.A I Will Be a Survivor! 201

Exercise XXXIV.B Getting It Out 208

Exercise XXXIV.C I Gotta Stop Thinking This Way 213

Exercise XXXIV.D A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words 215

SECTION XXXV—Sexual Preferences 219

Exercise XXXV.A I Am Still Danny 220

SECTION XXXVI—Suicide Attempts 221

Exercise XXXVI.A I Want Things to Be Better 222

Exercise XXXVI.B Creating a Positive Outlook 227

SECTION XXXVII—Unwanted/Unplanned Pregnancies 229

Exercise XXXVII.A Honey, Guess What? 230

References 233

About the Authors 235

About the Downloadable Assignments 237

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