Homo sapiens have been speaking for hundreds of years—and yet basic communication still stymies us. We freeze up in elevators, on dates, at parties, under Dumpsters. We stagger through our exchanges merely hoping not to crash, never considering that we might soar. We go home sweaty and eat a birthday cake in the shower.

But no more. With What to Talk About you'll learn to speak—fluently, intelligently, charmingly—to family, friends, coworkers, lovers, future lovers, horse trainers, children, even yourself. This hilarious manual, written by two award-winning authors and illustrated by legendary cartoonist Tony Millionaire, is tailor-made for anyone who might one day attend a dinner party, start a job, celebrate a birthday, graduate from school, date a human, or otherwise use words.

What to Talk About is not rocket science, but it is a lot like brain surgery, in the sense that is terrifying, risky—and could change you forever.