Ph.D. student Alex Kern is having trouble passing his exams, hanging on to his girlfriend, and teaching his composition class—and that doesn’t include the strange hole he’s discovered in his scummy office deep under the football stadium, where more than 100,000 students, citizens, and alumni of West Georgia U gather every Saturday to worship at the feet of the mighty Fighting Bobcats.

As for the hole, it seemingly has no bottom, as Alex discovers when he drops in first a rock, then his cherished Bobble Head Freud, and finally—during an especially challenging student conference—a troublesome undergraduate. Alex steels himself for the investigation to come, but no one seems to notice the missing student. Things go from bad to worse when Alex is forced to dispose of the world's foremost expert on Ezra Pound in the same way. Once again he steels himself for the consequences—and once again, no one seems to notice. Lowly student or chaired professor—either way, it doesn't seem to matter. West Georgia U can do without them.

What it can’t do without is its star quarterback, Ulysses Moreno. And when Alex drops him down the hole, all hell breaks loose at West Georgia U…