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| Introduction Rule: Start Every Book With An Introduction | p. 1 |
| Rule: Say "Yes" | p. 5 |
| Rule: To Be Shatner, You Must Know Shatner | p. 15 |
| Rule: Busy Is Measured In Units Of Shatner | p. 21 |
| First Rule For Turning 80: Just Smile. You're Lucky You Made It | p. 31 |
| Rule: Go West, Young Man. And Leave The Map At Home | p. 35 |
| Rule: Stay Hydrated | p. 45 |
| Rule: It's Good To Bury T... MORE | p. 51 |
| Rule: Get The Damn Line Right! | p. 61 |
| Rule: Always Have A Spare Set Of Underwear On Hand | p. 71 |
| Rule: Eat What You Kill! (Provided It Doesn't Kill You First!) | p. 77 |
| Rule: If Anyone Asks You To Star In A Movie Shot Entirely In Esperanto. Say "Kiam Kaj Kiel Multa?" | p. 87 |
| Rule: Balls Are Important, But Stones Are Money | p. 95 |
| Rule: You Can Always Find A Good Friend In A White Crowd | p. 105 |
| Rule: Know When To Turn Shatner On, And When To Turn Shatner Off | p. 111 |
| Rule: Grab Life By The (Golden) Throat | p. 121 |
| Rule: Respect The Artistic Process Of Others, Even If Their Process Takes Forever | p. 129 |
| Second Rule For Turning 80: Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help | p. 137 |
| Rule: Don't Trust The Facebook | p. 139 |
| Rule: Remember Where You Came From... Eh? | p. 155 |
| Rule: If You Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth, You Might Find More Gifts! | p. 165 |
| Rule: Know Which Conversations Require A Bullet-Proof Vest | p. 173 |
| Rule: Talk Is CheapùUnless You Can Make Money With A Talk Show | p. 183 |
| Rule: Birds Of A Feather Flock Together. But They Make For Dull Football Parties | p. 191 |
| Third Rule For Turning 80: You're Eighty. Say What's On Your Mind | p. 195 |
| Rule: If You Go To The Land Down Under, Thumb It! | p. 203 |
| Rule: Dying Is Easy. Dying On Stage While Doing Comedy Is Easy, Too | p. 213 |
| Rule: Settle For Second Billing Only If The Top-Billed Act Can Beat You Up | p. 221 |
| Fourth Rule For Turning 80: Get. Out. Of. Bed | p. 231 |
| Rule: Don't Die. You'll Miss Out On All The Lifetime Achievement Awards | p. 239 |
| Acknowledgments | p. 249 |
| Photo Credits | p. 251 |
| Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved. |