The New copy of this book will include any supplemental materials advertised. Please check the title of the book to determine if it should include any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.

The Used, Rental and eBook copies of this book are not guaranteed to include any supplemental materials. Typically, only the book itself is included. This is true even if the title states it includes any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.

Chapter One

Enter Technology, Exit Talking

What's New in Communicating

Everything -- and I'm about to tell you about it. But the absolute core of great communicating hasn't changed at all.

It's not about you and your skills.

It's not about your subject.

It all starts from this basic principle:

Know Your Audience!

Talking so others listen starts with understanding those others, first! Then basing any presentation, one-on-one encounter, meeting, or negotiation on what the audience wants, needs, and cares about.

Now, this audience orientation comes in two flavors.

and

In order to build a great repertoire for you as super-communicator, you need to learn these two approaches. They are the foundation for building any kind of communication, especially at work.

What You Need to Know First

The rest of the book will show you how to analyze any specific audience and what techniques to use to reach them. But we must begin, in the first two chapters, with the same basics -- truths that exist now for all the audiences you'll talk to.

Understanding what's happened to us as a society and how we've changed our communication with each other -- this is a cornerstone for building successful communication on any level today. Another is understanding more about the disparate groups in today's workplace and what they each need. You'll be surprised by lots of this, recognize yourself, and say "never thought about that," about others.

So let's begin gaining some perspective on where we are now, to give you a base for going forward and learning the new skills I'll show you. Let's now discover:

• How we currently listen and learn, and where talking still fits in
• What motivates us to listen; what's important
• What else is happening in the workplace that affects how you'll communicate with each other successfully

What's New In The Twenty-First Century

Let's start with how we communicate with each other. Wow, has that changed in recent years!

To really nail this, here's an email I got recently that says it all:

You know you're living in 2005, when . . .

True?

See what we have to work with, or against, when we want to talk so people listen?

Well, let's get started finding out the kind of work we have to do to make this happen.

Even Hello Has Changed

Just take how we greet each other -- that "Hello, I'm Sonya Hamlin" thing I did at the beginning of the book. That's how we usually do it when we meet someone, isn't it? Picture a typical first encounter and what goes with it.

the look
the name
the handshake
the smile
the noticing
the visceral response
the face-to-face human contact

That opening moment helps us evaluate and decide at what level to relate and, most of all, how we instinctively feel and respond to the other person. Personal contact has always been the number one way we start any relationship.

But is it, anymore?

We now live in a world where online meeting and greeting and email and text-messaged "conversations" -- with no sound, touch, feel, sight, or smell -- are substituting for the old in-person ways. We're trading senses for technology. Today's standards are speed and ease, not human contact and personal perception.

Is that good? Bad? Costly? As effective as the old way? Can we really totally eliminate the old way?

That look-in-your-eyes-to-see-if-I-really-trust-you way?

That notice-how-shifty-he-looks, why-can't-she-stand-still way?

That what-a-warm-smile, how-nice-this-feels way?

That's today's communication dilemma, and the issues we now need to deal with are:

• How recent advances have affected how we now communicate and how we get to know each other
• What else we need to do now to sell and persuade, to develop trust and confidence, and to explain and be understood

The Biggest Issue

We're incredibly more efficient now. We can do just about anything business requires -- worldwide -- by just hitting the keyboard, sending email and searching the Web.

Except . . .

Except the ultimate: selling ourselves.

That means the ability to convince

• Potential customers
• Fellow workers
• Upper management
• The people in power

about the validity and trustworthiness of your ideas, your plan, your product, your abilities -- yourself.

Would anyone hire you simply because you send in a great résumé complete with PowerPoint diagrams and pictures of ads and ideas you created? Would you hire someone on that basis?

In order to close any deal, people want to know "Who am I dealing with?" "Can I trust him?" " Would I like to work with her?" "Do I want this person to represent my company?" "Does she seem quick on the draw?"

Can any of that ever be decided by email? Doesn't it always need the old face-to-face, every time?

---

Excerpted from How to Talk So People Listen: Connecting in Today's Workplace by Sonya Hamlin
All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.