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Both of my hands hover over the beam as though I am trying to cast a spell on it. Then I press them down, propelling my body upward until I'm standing on it again, trying to ready myself to throw this dismount pass. Sometimes I can't believe that beam is my favorite event.

Alex's voice pops into my head, and the words I know she would be saying to me if she had actually shown up for practice: We should quit. We should just quit and get thisover with now.

But the thing is I can't. I won't. Despite the fact that this week has been full of disappointments, it's only one week. Next week, next practice even, things will get better. So I shake them off, the fear and frustration. I throw my shoulders back, head high, take two steps forward, and extend my arms so the tips of my fingers are my focus. I am ready to do this. Again.