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| Prologue | p. 1 |
| Mail-Order Gerbils | p. 7 |
| The Gerbil Whisperer | p. 21 |
| Even Girls like Gerbils! | p. 37 |
| A Navy Man in Kansas | p. 53 |
| Doin' Time in Leavenworth | p. 63 |
| Trading My Bikini for a Horse | p. 73 |
| Dad Buys Himself a Gerbil Farm | p. 81 |
| Who's Going to Marry Her Now? | p. 89 |
| My Sister the Time Traveler | p. 99 | ... MORE
| Welcome to the Poor Farm | p. 113 |
| Nobody's Business but Ours | p. 131 |
| Do It Yourself or Die Trying | p. 149 |
| The Man Without a Nose | p. 163 |
| My Mom Wears Jodhpurs | p. 183 |
| A Lady Always Wears Underpants | p. 199 |
| Saving the Blond Gerbil | p. 217 |
| Rebellions | p. 235 |
| What a Gerbil Farmer Does for Fun | p. 247 |
| The Gerbil Czar Retires | p. 259 |
| Epilogue: The American Gerbil Show | p. 277 |
| Acknowledgments | p. 289 |
| Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved. |