Rent 9781556438387 | Finding the Words : Candid Conversations with Loved Ones

Summary Table of Contents Author Biography

"Offers readers practical suggestions and scripted solutions for discussing difficult issues--love, sex, money, divorce, aging--with partners, parents, children, and siblings"--Provided by publisher.

Finding the Wordsoffers principles and practical suggestions for those moments in relationships when one wants to be kind but also must discuss a sensitive matter. In thoughtful prose, Susan Halpern explains how to communicate with care in order to strengthen and increase our loving connections. The principles provided... MORE

Introduction
Cultivating Conscious Conversations as a Couple	p. 5
What Can I Say When I Am Furious?	p. 7
When Is It Time to Talk to My Partner?	p. 9
All Husbands Take Out the Garbage. Why Don't You	p. 11
Why Is My Partner Always Trying go Fix My Problems?	p. 12
How Can We Stop Having the Same Argument Over and Over	p. 13
Do All Conflicts Need to Be Resolved... MORE?	p. 14
What If I Don't Want To Talk This Through	p. 15
Conclusion	p. 17
Getting Along in a Love Relationship	p. 19
Can I stick to My Plan to Speak with Kindness?	p. 19
How Can I Find My Way to Loving Acceptance	p. 21
Do I Have to Tell You Everything?	p. 22
Why Can't You Read My Mind?	p. 24
Will Letting Out My Anger Make Things Worse?	p. 25
How Can I End This Fight?	p. 27
Why Is It So Hard to Say I'm Sorry?	p. 29
Why Is It So Hard to Say Yes?	p. 30
How Can I Say No and Nor Hurt Him?	p. 30
Conclusion	p. 31
Accepting Differences between Partners	p. 33
Don't You Have Any Feelings?	p. 33
Why Are You Always Late?	p. 36
How Can We Find Our Way Back to Intimacy	p. 37
If Only We Had Been Candid about Our Differences	p. 39
Why Can I Compromise When I Am So Afraid?	p. 43
How Are We Going to Live Together After All These Years Apart?	p. 45
Why Can't He Treat the Children the Way I Do?	p. 48
Conclusion	p. 51
Bringing Words of Love to Intimate Moments	p. 53
How Can I Learn to Say �I Love You�?	p. 53
How Can We Keep Love Alive?	p. 55
How Can I Talk about What Works for Me in Bed	p. 56
What Do People Say While Making Love?	p. 59
How Can We Keep Sex Exciting?	p. 60
How Can I Talk about My Sexual Attractions	p. 62
Can I Be Intimate without Sex	p. 64
Colclusion	p. 65
Speaking Candidly during a Major Life Crisis	p. 67
Illness	p. 67
How Can I Talk to Him about His Prostate Cancer?	p. 68
How Can I Tell Him I Can't Meet All His Needs	p. 71
Substance Abuse	p. 74
What Can I Do to Protect Myself from His Drinking	p. 75
Why Doesn't My Husband Care That I Drink	p. 76
Job Loss	p. 77
How Do I Respond to You Losing Your Job?	p. 78
How Can I Help My Partner with His Professional Difficulty?	p. 79
Infidelity	p. 81
Do I Have to End the Marriage?	p. 81
How Can I Tell Him I Am Seeing Someone Else?	p. 83
Can We Renegotiate the Conditions Our Marriage	p. 85
Conclusion	p. 86
Making Divorce Less Disruptive and Painful	p. 87
I Can't Remember Why I Married This Person	p. 88
What Am I Going to Say to End This Marriage?	p. 89
What Will It Take to Forgive?	p. 90
How Will We Tell Our Parents	p. 91
Please Let Me Tell Our Friends When I Am Ready	p. 94
Can a Divorce Be Peaceful?	p. 95
How Can We Work Together to Prepare the Children for Our Divorce?	p. 97
What Should We Say to the Children?	p. 98
What Do I Tell the Children about My Love Life?	p. 99
Will the Children Ever Talk about the Divorce with Me?	p. 100
Even Though I Am Forty, I Want to Know Why My Parents Divorced	p. 101
How Can I Reach Out to My Children Years after My Divorce?	p. 103
Conclusion	p. 104
Learning to Be Adults with Each Other-Parents and Adult Children	p. 107
How Can I Get My Son to Talk to Me?	p. 108
Why Do They Tell Me These Things?	p. 110
Why Does My Daughter Talk More to Her Aunt Than to Me?	p. 112
What Can I Say When My Adults Child Is Angry with Me?	p. 113
How Can I Get My Parents to Listen to How I Am Feeling	p. 114
How Does a Mother Ask for What She Wants?	p. 115
When Do Daughters Get to Express Their Need	p. 116
How Can I Get More from my Father?	p. 118
How Do I Handle My Disapproval of My Daughter?	p. 120
How Can I Help My Adult Children Talk to Each Other?	p. 122
Conclusion	p. 124
Watching Married Children Final Their Own Way	p. 125
How Can I Ask My Mother for Help?	p. 125
What Can I Say to My Father about His Broken Promises?	p. 127
What Is a Mother-in-Law's Business?	p. 129
What Can I Say When My Parents Tell Me How to Raise My Children?	p. 130
How Do I Learn to Be a Good In Law?	p. 132
How Can We Help our Child Through Divorce?	p. 134
How Long Should I Give Financial Support?	p. 136
Conclusion	p. 138
Repairing a Rift between Parents and an Adult Child	p. 141
What Is Going On When an Adult Child Breaks Off from His or Her Family?	p. 141
What Can I Say about My Need for Time Away?	p. 143
What Might Parents Ask When They Want to Understand Their Child's Absence?	p. 144
How Can I Reconnect with My Father?	p. 145
How Can I Reconnect with My Son?	p. 149
How Can I Get My Whole Family Together Again?	p. 151
What Will We Talk About When We Meet	p. 153
Conclusion	p. 155
Supporting Adult Children as They Begin to Parent	p. 157
Who Gets to Name the Baby?	p. 158
How Do I Respond to My Children's Questions?	p. 159
Is It Okay to Speak Up for Health?	p. 160
Is It Okay to Speak Up for Safety?	p. 161
How Can I Choose between a Child and a Grandchild?	p. 163
How Can I Help?	p. 164
How Can Grandparents Find Ways to Help, Not Hinder?	p. 166
Can Grandparents Write Different Rules for Their House?	p. 167
How Can Grandparents Talk about Their Needs?	p. 168
How Can I Make Relocating Nearer to My Children and Grandchildren Work for All of Us?	p. 170
What Should I Do If My Children Do Not Invite Me to Relocate?	p. 172
Conclusion	p. 173
Nurturing and Reviving Friendship among Siblings	p. 175
What Should I Say When I Disagree with My Sibling's Politics?	p. 176
How Can I Reach Out to a Sibling?	p. 177
How Can I Reach Out to a Sibling? I No Longer Know?	p. 179
How Can I Get Along with My Sister-in-Law?	p. 180
How Can Two Sisters Support Their Aging Aunt?	p. 181
How Do I Handle My Brother's Misuse of Drugs and Money?	p. 183
Should I Confront My Sister about Her Drinking?	p. 185
How Can We Fairly Divide the Estate?	p. 186
Should I Invite My Brother to Live with me during His Divorce?	p. 188
Do I Have to Welcome My Sister-in-Law into My Marriage?	p. 191
Conclusion	p. 192
Using Intergenerational Conversations to Make Decisions at the End of Life	p. 193
Will I Make a Timely Decision to Stop Driving	p. 194
How Can I Convince My Elderly Parents to Stop Driving?	p. 195
When Should I Visit My Aging Mother Who Lives in Another State?	p. 200
How Can I Convince My Parents to Accept Outside Help?	p. 202
How Can I Care for My Wife When She Is a Reluctant Patient?	p. 205
How Can I Help My Mother Move to a Senior Residence?	p. 207
What Is Happening to This Body of Mine?	p. 210
Should I Invite My Mother to live with Us?	p. 212
How Do I Tell Someone I Love That Her Memory Is Failing?	p. 214
How Do I Talk to a Person with Alzheimer's Disease?	p. 215
When Should I Write My Will?	p. 217
How Am I Going to Make Decisions for My Father?	p. 219
How Should I Make Decisions When My Loved One Is Unresponsive?	p. 221
How One Family Let Mother Go into Death	p. 222
Conclusion	p. 224
Afterword	p. 22
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Susan P. Halpern, MSW, has been a social worker and psychotherapist for more than thirty years. Her first book, The Etiquette of Illness: What to Say When You Can't Find the Words, was praised by Bill Moyers, Cokie Roberts, and Dr. Andrew Weil and was excerpted in O, The Oprah Magazine. Halpern lives in Berkeley, CA.

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