In 1947, Dr. Sebaceous Piafraus discovered the Terminally Ill Sea Scrolls in the same month the Dead Sea Scrolls were found. The Dead Sea Scrolls became internationally famous, but the Terminally Ill Sea Scrolls were consigned to obscurity, along with their discoverer. Dr. Piafraus, who endured decades of ego-bruising neglect, provides translations of well-known Old Testament stories, which he insists are the most authentic versions of the stories because the Jewish eschatological cult that created the Scrolls claimed that they were. These stories are more fully developed than in the Old Testament and are humorous, though some parts are appalling, because Bible stories often are appalling.

G. Richard Bozarth is a writer who has had more than 300 pieces published primarily in atheist magazines, including American Atheist, Moral Atheist, and Secular Atheist, as well as in science fiction magazines such as Asimov’s. He is a former contributing editor to American Rationalist. He lives in Round Rock, Texas.