Who will win the race to write the best book in the world, and to what unimaginable lengths will they go to get there first? A hilarious tale of authorly competition.

Titus Jensen is middle-aged, has a fondness for alcohol, and makes ends meet by giving public readings from obscure books at festivals. He can't help thinking there has to be more to life for an author of his quality. Eddie X is hip, a hit with the ladies, and loves being the center of attention. A radical poet and regular on the festival circuit, he can't help thinking there has to be more to life for a talented, good-looking man like himself. One night, after a successful event—Titus reads from The Diseases of Swedish Monarchs and Eddie X waxes lyrical to the thrashing tones of metal band The Tourettes—the unlikely pair get horribly drunk together and hatch a plan to achieve worldwide recognition. The answer is to write the best book in the world—a book so amazing that it will end up on all the bestseller lists in every category imaginable: thriller, self-help, cooking, business, dieting—a book that combines everything in one! But there can only be one such book, and as the alcohol-induced haze clears both men realize they are not willing to share the limelight. Hilariously quirky and witty, this novel will take readers on a meandering race to the finish line, throwing plenty of satirical punches along the way.